Herb Your Enthusiasm: The Candle

Imagine the aroma of crushed dreams, mild irritation, and maybe some dried oregano. Now imagine that scent filling your home for hours. Sounds enticing, right? No? 

Well, too bad—because we’ve done it anyway. 

Introducing Herb Your Enthusiasm: The Candle, a fragrance experience inspired by the dry, herby scent of a pasta night gone wrong and the mild disappointment of realizing you’re out of fresh basil and have to use your dusty grocery store spices.

With top notes of “ehh” and base notes of “why,” this candle is like the Larry David Sandwich—unexpected, slightly off-putting, and somehow involving capers & 2 types of fish. 

It’s the perfect gift for a new homeowner (yeah, it’s a house. It’s new. I get it. It’s nice), a passive-aggressive gesture for that friend who insists store-bought spices are fine, or a personal indulgence if you enjoy lighting money on fire, figuratively and literally.

Need a wedding gift for someone you don’t really like? This candle says, “Congratulations, but let’s not get too close.” Got a coworker who insists on microwaving fish in the office? Leave one of these on their desk—it’s not HR-violating, but it is unsettling. Have a relative who spends an hour telling you why they don’t use salt? Let’s be honest, they deserve this.

But don’t just take our word for it.

The reviews are in, and they’re just as you’d expect:

⭐ “Ehh.”
⭐ “Smells like an atrocious answer to a good question.”
⭐ "Pretty, pretty, pretty good."
⭐ “To what end??”
⭐ “Okay, okay.”

Need a birthday gift for the person who insists they don’t want gifts but will absolutely judge you for not bringing one? Boom—problem solved. Know someone who proudly calls themselves a “foodie” but thinks shelf-stable parmesan and white truffle oil are the height of gourmet? This candle is for them.

Pair it with a bottle of lukewarm room-temperature seltzer, and you’ve got yourself the ultimate sensory disappointment package. It’s the olfactory equivalent of an awkward handshake that goes on just a liiiittle toooo long.

So, if you’re ready to disappoint your nose and confuse your guests, grab Herb Your Enthusiasm: The Candle today. Or don’t. Either way, we’ll be over here kind of skimping on the cashews a little bit.

Happy April Fools Day 🙂